from me to you
In 2011, Trump volunteered to be roasted on Comedy Central. He's taken his fair share of shots at White House correspondents dinners. But there's no doubt that when it comes to jokes and insults, the billionaire businessman can give as good as he gets.
In that spirit, here are 18 of 120 of the best Donald Trump jokes and insults out there. (*Profanity is retained in the interest of comedy.)
1. “It’s like an Internet comment troll ran for president.”—Jon Stewart
2. “The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.” —Jay Leno
3. “Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him."―Eric Schneiderman
4. “Donald Trump announces this morning that he will run for president. His hair will announce on Friday.”—Albert Brooks
I have plans.
I'm saving plastic Wonder Bread bags.
I even dreamt how I'm going to braid them.
Maybe I'm nuts. Maybe not.
But hey, the next four years are unknown,
and instead of screaming at the TV (again) (and driving my hubs to drink)
or trusting people who say all will be OK,
even better than we expect,
that the orange clown will give us what we want,
the hidden shit, mind-blowing evidence, ending all conspiracy theories,
then I'm waiting.
I'm waiting to hear something smart come out of his mouth.
A preview of my new chapbook MENTAL MIDGETS: Am I supposed to be doing this?, using by penname Laramie Harlow.
For an older relative do this:
Suggest: Too often we wait until it’s almost too late to start recording our relatives’ notes of wisdom. Why not start now?
Buy a Zoom recorder ($100) (video below) and “gift” her/him an hour or two of recording time a week. You’ll sit together and just let her/him riff. If it’s awkward at first, try keeping in mind something like these journaling prompts; I’d bet her/his memories and aphorisms are tied together quite closely. You could also do this by phone by setting the Zoom to record with your phone on speaker, or using Skype, though the sound quality might suffer. Use a free editing program like Audacity to cut them all together (it’s easier than it sounds, I promise), or upload them as individual clips to Soundcloud.
Establishing a living library shows that you value that advice and time he/she’s so generous with. Some similar ideas if you’re intimidated by the technical aspect: Give him/her a line-a-day memory book ($14), or take a blank recipe book ($7) and start filling in the ones of his/hers you know, leaving room for her/him to add in her aphorisms and notes alongside.
This quote is from Leo Tolstoy’s What Men Live By, and Other Tales, and it serves as a fitting prompt for us all to direct our attention to what is actually happening in our lives in this moment.
Wednesday Word: twenty-sixteen (so friggin' glad to see you go)
|I took this photo in Puerto Rico years back|
Let me down easy
the way hints of winter
fall exquisitely today
scattering icy lacy flowers
from a cloud bouquet
flutter, waver just a bit
unhurried and unworried
to get on with it.
A deeper cold will come
but stay its harder hand
let play a little longer
the november grey indefinites
let me down easy.
The longest night is still ahead
weighs heavy in the apprehension
let me go haltingly into its
frozen moonlit desolation
tempered by the touch of
something of its opposite
knowing I am anyway
to be let down, I pray
let me down easy.
‘Where do you begin telling someone their world is not the only one?’
— Lee Maracle, Ravensong.
‘The teacher can try to rearrange desires noncoercively… through an attempt to develop in the student a habit of literary reading, even just ‘reading,’ suspending oneself into the text of the other – for which the first condition and effect is a suspension of the conviction that I am necessarily better, I am necessarily the end product for which history happened.’
— Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak, ‘Righting Wrongs.’
So let’s see some snippets of his (their?) stuff:
To be a poet is not my ambition,
It’s my way of being alone
But Spring isn’t even a thing:
It’s a manner of speaking.
It is night. It’s very dark. In a house far away
A light is shining in the window.
I see it and feel human from head to toe.
The Universe is not an idea of mine;
My idea of the Universe is an idea of mine.
Night doesn’t fall before my eyes;
My idea of night falls before my eyes.
Where there are roses we plant doubt.
Most of the meaning we glean is our own,
And forever not knowing, we ponder.
Believe me, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates,
And all religions put together teach no more than the candy shop.
I’m beginning to know myself. I don’t exist.
I’m the gap between what I’d like to be and what others have made me,
Or half of this gap, since there’s also life…
And as for the mother who rocks a dead child in her arms---
We all rock a dead child in our arms.
I’m being watched, but where from?
Which things that can’t see are looking at me?
Who’s in everything, peering?
From the mountain comes a song
Saying that however much
The soul may come to have,
It will always be unhappy.
Goodreads review by Jim Fonseca
You’d be surprised at how many tears I see every day. I have a woman who comes in weekly to visit a painting of weathered old lady hands resting on a quilt. She tears up as she tells me every time how much it reminds her of her grandmother, and how much she misses her. Or on another day, I have a woman who has come in looking for butterfly prints as a memorial for her daughter, who loved them. We sit together as she tells stories and cries, and then we walk the whole store together to find her the best memorial that we can. But on the best days, I get to see the happy tears when I can tell an artist that someone loved the work that they did so much that they bought it, or the quiet joy of a person of any age, maybe one who hasn’t been able to fit in anywhere else, who has found something that they identify with. Art may not save lives, but it saves hearts, and it’s a message that I will carry with me from the moment I took that job until the day I die.
|ROBERT DE NIRO, SR (left) STUDIED WITH HANS HOFMANN, 1939-1942.|
Robert De Niro Sr died in 1993.
HIS ESTATE website
And the mothers know not
what to do
Yet we implore
them to listen
to the childless women
who would take their daughter in
who would guide their son
to better lives
than are lost now
to bigotry and hate
when human life should
the final closing hours
of an underdog
in the universe
Playing catch-up with our Galileoes and our Ensteins
Picassos and Hemingways
Ray Bradburys & Luke Skywalkers
In the remains
The human race an anomaly
an anti-thesis of meaning
Bound by laws
adhered as temporal
on alms of others
A sentient being
could possess a thirst
The most elusive and hollow
of the three
in the beauty of forgiveness
Cyber Aware – are passwords past it? (Hint: no.) [VIDEO] https://t.co/v90xL7Lm0l— Naked Security (@NakedSecurity) February 21, 2018
Survivors of sexual exploitation share their voices and experiences, from birth to adolescence to adulthood on The Life Story: Moments of Change. Their stories and hopes highlight opportunities for change -- for all girls and women. https://t.co/nwlp9rsIKr #thelifestory pic.twitter.com/nWOwGzxuaw— NoVo Foundation (@NoVoFoundation) January 31, 2018